Where is the hickey?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
