'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize