I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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