So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Found the puke drawer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
