how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
