Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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