Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize