So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
