i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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