I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
