whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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