When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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