my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize