stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize