If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
