went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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