Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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