you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
