Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
