I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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