Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
