I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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