I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize