He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
