im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
