Where did you get a picture of my penis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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