Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
