Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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