We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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