I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
