I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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