Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
only if we run a train.
done.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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