My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
