I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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