let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
