so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
