I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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