oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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