If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize