I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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