Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
