Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
