I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
