woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
