How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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