On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
not ubering you a puppy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
