discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
