Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
