it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
