oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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