I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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