no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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