I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
