We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize