well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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