Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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