I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
