PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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