my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
