She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
