either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
