Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In other news, I just burned my penis
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
