out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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