By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
