Welp...herpes.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
