Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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