I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
