but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
