dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
