I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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