I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
