So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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