It's Friday. Sex?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
