How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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