I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
