It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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