Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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