i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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