My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My dick has a subreddit
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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