According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize