i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
