so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
