i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
