At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
