Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
