ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize