I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
