have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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