did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
