Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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