Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
