He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
