I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize