Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i have two assholes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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