my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
