you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
