I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
