omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
