Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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