dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
