The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
