The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
