Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
