Small penises have feelings too.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
