She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
