So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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