I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
