I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
