Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I need moral support for this bender
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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