is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize