Swine flu. Run for my life!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
