Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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