Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
