margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
