I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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