the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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