the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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