Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
