i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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